Multiverse News

Alex Jones, Elon Musk's favorite right-wing nut job and now returning X (formerly Twitter) poster boy for speaking your mind even if your mind is filled with strange and implausible conspiracy theories and money making schemes for questionable health products, owes more than $1.5 billion dollars in court-imposed penalties to the families of the Sandy Hook massacre who turned out not to be crisis actors after all. Looking over his bank accounts, luxury homes, multiple cars, Infowars viewership numbers, Infowars product sales, and Infowars ongoing war on the New World Order, Mr. Jones decided to claim poverty and offer $5.5 million a year over a ten-year period. Alex Jones believes that he will likely struggle to raise more than a few million dollars a year to pay his rather large penalties for causing a decade of harassment and death threats to those families. Undeterred by the offer, the Sandy Hook families are pushing for an alternate plan in which Alex Jones must promote the Sandy Hook Families line of healthcare products at no cost for as along as Alex Jones is in front of camera anywhere, at any time. The Sandy Hook Families Health Company have already released a few of the slogans that Alex Jones must repeat to his audience, which include “When my soldier isn't saluting, which is often, Sandy Hook Erectile Dysfunction Cream is the best cream, the most wonderful erection cream there is!”, “Whenever I feel the itching and burning back there, I apply the Sandy Hook hemorrhoid solution, liberally.”, and “Warning: Infowars can cause headaches, migraines, and even significant bouts of depression! I always use Sandy Hook Mind Control to soothe and relieve.” No word yet, on whether the Sandy Hook families will prevail with this proposed solution.