Multiverse News

The Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms issued a joint warning today about roving bands of Christmas Carolers terrorizing neighborhoods throughout the US. The musically inclined gangs force Christmas carols into the ears of unsuspecting homeowners and then beg for treats, such as “figgy pudding”. The carols often consist of classic or traditional Christmas songs sung with some occasional off-notes and weirdly repeated lyrics. The carolers often violate neighborhood no-soliciting rules, and neighborhood watch programs typically turn a “blind eye” to the roving carolers wreaking havoc across their neighborhoods. The ATF has warned that alcohol consumption by the caroling groups tends to increase as their misdeeds continue through the evening of singing. Households towards the end of the evening's route are often treated to a mishmash of carols sung with exuberance, vomiting, and wrong lyrics. The FBI is coordinating its caroling outreach and enforcement efforts with state and local police departments. A spokesman for the National Wassailers Association pushed back against the nuisance caused by Christmas caroling and highlighted the joys that Christmas carolers bring to homes across the country. He also took the opportunity to ask the members to enjoy their caroling safely and to have a designated walker.