Multiverse News

Blue Spring State Park in Florida appears to be a meeting area for numerous manatees, leading many to wonder if they are massing for a large scale attack. The normally docile animal known affectionately as the “sea cow” often seeks out warm water during the winter months. However, the number of animals found in the park reached a record with more than 1,000 manatees present. Their intentions are currently unknown. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, the Clearwater Marine Aquarium's Research Institute, and the Department of Homeland Security issued a joint warning yesterday to stay away from Blue Spring State Park and anywhere manatees assemble in large numbers. DHS is spearheading an observation and intelligence gathering program to monitor the herd of manatees, including a robot that looks like a manatee that can blend in and observe the animals up close. The DHS is reportedly adding a facial recognition system to the robo-manatee to identify the leaders of the manatee group. Manatee terrorism analysts have been sounding the alarm over their concerns about the manatees and their bloodthirsty desire for revenge against the humans who have driven them out of their homes, caused their starvation, and run them over with their boats. A conservation group of sympathizers known as the Save the Manatee Club has petitioned that the manatees be reclassified as “endangered” with US Fish and Wildlife Service. The US State Department has added the West Indian Manatee to the Specially Designated Global Terrorist list, which blocks them from ownership and interests in US properties they hold.