Grant Program for Heavy Metal Music Education Blocked
The US Supreme Court handed President “Black Death” Morgan a defeat today with a ruling that blocked his attempt to fund high school heavy metal bands under a music education grant program. The US Department of Education created the grant program to increase musical outlets for students with more showmanship, screaming guitars, expressive yet banal lyrics, and loudness. However, the program limited funding to bands that play heavy metal music exclusively. The Department of Education and White House lawyers argued for the funding program as a free speech issue for bands receiving funding while the state attorneys general for 42 states argued for the equal opportunity commitments for education funding established in law. The Court found that the music program was too narrowly defined and blocked the implementation of the program in a close 5-4 ruling. President Morgan was swept into office on a way of dissatisfaction with politics and current music trends. His campaign stops included concerts with popular heavy metal bands playing campaign songs with emphatic beats, guitar distortion, and long solos with an onslaught of sound. “Metalheads” concerned about the future of their favorite music voted in record numbers. Unfortunately, this part of President Morgan’s campaign promise to “slay across the USA” is temporarily on hold.