Multiverse News

The normally wholesome Halloween season has been plagued by a rash of thefts. Carved pumpkins, or “jack-o’-lanterns”, are being stolen at a terrifying rate. Porch pirates that once preyed on Amazon.com packages are now setting their sights on these seasonal evil spirit deterrents. Police in many cities have reported thousands of thefts have occurred since the middle October. Several anonymous tips to the Grand Rapids Police Department in Michigan led to a late evening warehouse raid and the arrest of a gang of jack-o’-lantern thieves, which included 32 people. There were 3,124 stolen jack-o’-lanterns found at the scene. The FBI issued an urgent notice to police departments across the U.S. regarding the increase in pumpkin-related crime. The Bureau of Occult Management has investigated the stolen jack-o’-lantern trade for signs of the occult or their use in necromancy, but so far no otherworldly links have been discovered. Sheila Starkey, age 7, of Iowa City, Iowa has offered her own reward of $100 for information leading to the return of her prized jack-o’-lanterns, including one named “Faelen the Fearless” created to scare off her crazy dead uncle’s evil spirit. The FBI also announced that next year’s annual Uniform Crime Report, which shows national crime statistics in the U.S., will include data on “jack-o’-lantern theft” as a new crime category.