Multiverse News

The North American Aerospace Defense Command, or NORAD, has been tracking Santa, his sleigh, and reindeer on Christmas Eve for more than seven decades. In that time, kids around the world have been checking in with NORAD on the phone and online to follow Santa as he makes his way around the world. However, this year the phone calls were unanswered, the website wasn’t up, and no Santa reports came from NORAD. The new Commander of NORAD, General Maddis, made disparaging remarks earlier in the year regarding Santa Claus during a Congressional hearing focused on budget matters for NORAD. When asked whether he believed in Santa and the need for providing defense for Santa’s trip, the general told Senators that he believed that it was a waste of government resources to track and report on Santa’s progress. According to the general, “Santa doesn’t need our help. However, if he attacks aggressively, the combined US and Canadian Air Forces are more than ready to take him out.” After that remark, the Senators asked many pointed questions of the general regarding his beliefs on Santa, his lack of holiday spirit, and his overall alignment with Big Christmas. Ultimately, the general returned to the Cheyenne Mountain command post undeterred in his view of Santa. Several NORAD watchers believe the General Maddis ordered combat aircraft from the US Air Force to eliminate Santa in the skies over North America and then covered it up. Children around the world reported fewer presents and many uneaten Santa cookies this year. Congress has scheduled further hearings.