Multiverse News

Northwest pilot Aaron Domingo, 44, entered his plea today. Mr. Domingo was arrested and charged with 83 counts of attempted murder for trying to take down an airliner back in October. He pleaded that he was “stoned” (under the influence of mind-altering substances), which was confirmed by drug tests at the time he was arrested and apparently true again as he stood before the judge today. He was not the commanding pilot of the plane but was riding the cockpit jump seat on the flight to Dallas when he leapt up and attempted to pull the engine fire extinguisher handles. The pilot and co-pilot stopped him before he could disable the plane. Upon arrest, Mr. Domingo admitted to consuming a Panera Bread Charged Lemonade, magic mushrooms, four chocolate donuts with sprinkles, three lines of cocaine, Moons over My Hammy from Denny's, and at least a gallon of coffee. The arresting officers reported later that Mr. Domingo seemed to be vibrating rapidly and was emitting a “buzzing” sound. Fearing a contact high, Mr. Domingo was escorted away by officers dressed in Tyvek suits and respirators. When asked why he tried to disable the plane, Mr. Domingo reported that his invisible anthropomorphic rabbit friend, named Niels, told him to. After the pleading, the judge order Mr. Domingo into a drug treatment center for evaluation. Mr. Domingo's invisible bunny friend Niels later held a press conference and commented on the fact the Mr. Domingo is a great friend and would do anything for him.