Multiverse News

The U.S. Supreme Court today ruled that National Guard soldiers cannot be housed in their own homes during the President’s War on Sugar. President William Taft VI declared a “war” on sugary drinks and candy at the start of 2023 and called up National Guard troops to assist the USDA and DEA in the search, seizure, and destruction of illicit sugar-based treats and drinks, which were added to the Schedule II controlled substances list. The Department of Defense’s activation of National Guard troops in all 50 states was the basis of the argument made by “Big Sugar”. The Sugar Association, the American Sugar Alliance, and the Union of American Sugar Labor argued that the DoD was quartering troops in personal homes without permission of the owner since most National Guard troops were renting their homes. The Supreme Court agreed in a 8-1 ruling citing the Third Amendment and requiring the DoD to get written permission for quartering each soldier in their own home or billeting those soldiers at military facilities. To continue this confectionery conflict, President Taft must now go to Congress for additional funding for National Guard housing. Without a Speaker of the House, which is currently at a stalemate with the Republicans unable to choose someone that can get more than three votes, the funding request will be delayed for the foreseeable future, pausing the War on Sugar.