Multiverse News

New research shows that common sewer rats suffering from mid-life crises were 72% more likely to buy expensive items and 83% of purchasers experienced regrets within days after the purchase. However, the testing methodology used in this research is coming under fire from ethicists. They say that the experimenters biased the results by training some of the rats as luxury car sales people, middle managers at “boring” companies, loan officers, and accountants with higher salaries thus feeding the cycle of working rats experiencing mid-life crises and skewing the results of the experiment. When reached for comment, the scientists involved had left their jobs at the university and were driving their convertibles to Montana to get back in touch with nature.