Multiverse News

Associate Justice Marshall Smithers of the US Supreme Court announced that he can and will influence the outcomes of cases brought to the Supreme Court for a nominal fee. This public announcement brings suspicion about court influence for payment into the open. Justice Smithers confirmed that his vote on the court and his written opinions will favor the side providing the most “favorable incentives”. He also published a “bucket list” and fee table, which included exotic trips, expensive modes of transportation to get to those exotic locations, sports cars, speed boats, sports stadium naming rights, endangered species to be family pets, favorable loan terms (0% or negative interest rates or complete and immediate debt forgiveness), and desired universities for his children to graduate from whether they actually attended or not. The fee table also included an escalating scale based on the importance of the case. Most US Senators were publicly outraged by Justice Smithers’ announcement, secretly envious of his bucket list, duly impressed by his confidence, and called for hearings and impeachment of Justice Smithers. The House of Representatives, where articles of impeachment would have to be debated and adopted, chose instead to announce that the new Speaker of the House will participate in a “listening tour” with major US corporations. The Whitehouse is in price negotiations with Justice Smithers for discounts available to the Executive Branch.