Multiverse News

As Trump heads toward a certain match-up with President Biden in the November election, the former president has encouraged Russia's Vladimir Putin to start World War III by attacking NATO allies in Europe. Trump made these claims in a two-hour speech in South Carolina while seeking a primary win in that state. Nikki Haley, his Republican opponent in the primary, the former governor of South Carolina, Trump's Ambassador to the United Nations, and the younger female option compared to the two grumpy old senile white guys fighting over the presidency, condemned the speech as a Russia-driven plot to help re-elect Trump much like Russia's interference in the 2016 election of Trump. Kremlin observers note that Putin is using his significant intelligence resources to manipulate Trump and voters to ensure his re-election as President. Another World War would allow Russia to expand its territory and capture more desirable countries in Europe. In his speech, Trump claimed that as President he would sit this war out, despite NATO treaty obligations, and encourage Russia “to do whatever the hell they want.” In a press conference in Moscow, Russia claimed that they have no interest in most of Europe currently. The spokesperson said that they have been eyeing Southern Europe along the Mediterranean coast for some vacation spots and war gaming those options, but emphatically stated the rest of Europe wasn't that interesting. Many of the delinquent NATO members starting cutting checks for their NATO member club account to avoid being in arrears. President Biden claimed that NATO has a special place in his heart, and then claimed that many previous presidents store their classified documents in the garage and that is “just normal”. Trump's speech also touched on several other hot-button items like diet soda versus sugar-free sodas, when did touching a woman inappropriately become rape and then defamation, the Navy's submarines are running over dolphins in Florida, Mar-a-Lago is now worth 3.3 billion dollars after a real estate assessment, and New York City needs a new Statue of Liberty since the current one is too green. In a recent poll on likely presidential vote results, the winner would be “None of the above” by 24 points.