Multiverse News

Dr. Sultan al-Jaber, leader of the 2023 United Nations Climate Change Conference held in the United Arab Emirates and CEO of the Abu Dhabi National Oil Company, announced success on two fronts at COP 28—denial that fossil fuels have to be reduced to prevent global warming and record oil deals for the UAE. The leader and poster boy for the fossil fuels industry was able to change the direction of the UN's position on climate by ignoring science and discounting many of the UN's own reports that show that fossil fuels must be phased out quickly in order to slow global warming. Never one to let the opportunity to discuss oil with a group of oil-dependent nations meeting to talk about the future of the planet go to waste, Sultan al-Jaber also talked about oil. Specifically, how much oil each country would like to get and for how much. The result of those “side talks” netted the United Arabs Emirates more than $90B (USD) over the next five years in new contracts. While the impact on public health from climate change was noted by leaders of the medical community and the head of the World Health Organization, most of the conference attendees snoozed through rather dry talks about the increase in extreme weather events and complaints by smaller island nations that will no longer exist as sea levels rise. In the end, the conference attendees enjoyed their time at the migrant worked refurbished expo facility, handed over all their data to the UAE's surveillance app they blissfully installed on their phones, and flew back on the thousands of private jets they use for luxury travel above the drought-stricken and flooded lands they care for so much.